Initially after leaving the supermodelme house, I was feeling quite despondent and it had really taken a toll on my confidence. But after it had sunk in that I had been eliminated I started to realise what an incredible journey it had been and I began to feel proud for making it as far as I did in the competition. I had learnt a lot from the whole experience and I had made some incredible contacts in the industry which I’m sure will benefit me greatly. I think i realised my leaving had anything to do with my potential but more a reflection on how I did in the challenges thus far, maybe supermodelme was not the right competition for me but something else might be. The whole experience made me realise how much I actually love modeling as a job and that its something I should start to view as a profession rather than a hobby. I’m lucky because I have the advantage of having already completed my bachelors degree and having that education under my belt means that I can pursue a modeling career and know in the back of my head that I have a professional degree to fall back on. Looking back I have a very positive view of supermodelme.tv and have no regrets and only high expectations for my modeling career.

TUESDAY 26/05/09

7am start today and i was surprised at how awake i felt considering the late night i had the night before. We were all expecting a shoot involving water so when we arrived at Geoff Studio i was a bit unsure but i assumed it had to be in a water tank or something similar, not that i saw one when we got there. The concept was explained to us as posing in a shallow tank of water with a squid. My first reaction was apprehension because I thought it would be a live squid and wasn’t sure how i would manage with it moving so i was happy to find out it was not alive.

I was the 3^rd girl and when i jumped into the the tank it was initially quite cold. I felt comfortable with the shoot but because the camera was at an angle i was a bit conscious of giving myself a double chin. I’m not sure my range of poses was brilliant given the size of the tank but based on the direction of soft hand and a strong face i did the best i could. I thought I did ok but because it was a closed set we couldn’t see the other girls shoots and I never got a chance to see any of the photos, so really i had no idea where i stood compared to the others.

We waiting for the judges, who were Charmaine, Grace Lee and Marcus. We all got feedback on our shots and evelyn was announced as the winner and the bottom 3 were Kat, Christabel and I. My feedback was that i still needed to work on my jaw and that I was too safe in my poses and that even thought I had a very strong look I needed to learn how to use it. I knew once again I was too conscious of my braces being visible so tightening my jaw more than i should and I am definitely aware that I need to break loose and learn to become more versatile in my shots.

I was feeling the usual nerves but wasn’t prepared for when they announced me as the eliminated girl. I was devastated and broke down crying. I think the further I got in the competition the more I realised I wanted this so it really hurt me badly and it made it even worse that we were so close to the end. My first reaction was oh no back to accounting and i felt defeated, my thinking was that i am too old to take modelling so seriously and that this was my final shot at making it work. I think all my insecurities and everything i had in my head that was holding me back from doing modelling fulltime came flooding back to me in that split second and the emotions just kept coming. I was actually surprised to a certain extent at how much I was crying as much as I tried to hold it back I couldn’t. It was going to be sad to leave the girls but we all knew we would see each other again in August and because we were so close to the finish line it was more relief for the other girls to have made it through to the next round rather than sadness to see someone go.

We had our confessions and I was emotional throughout, I really felt awful and missed home more than ever. I just needed to speak to my boyfriend or parents to talk things through so I emailed them to let them know what had happened and how I was feeling. I was feeling so disappointed because I knew how much everyone back home was supporting me and promoting me. I knew they would be proud of me either way but I really wanted to make them happy by making the top 3 – not only for them of course but for myself. I ended up speaking to my boyfriend for 2 hours on skpye and he really lifted my spirits, telling me that this was not the end, it was only the beginning of the endless possibilities i had inform of me and that the exposure from the show would open so many doors for me so to look at it all in a positive light. The conversation completely changed my outlook and thinking and I began to see that I had lost nothing from the whole experience but had gained exposure, met great contacts and got some great shots to add to my folio. I’m not sure why i ever considered this to be the end of modelling for me because if i hadn’t been entered onto the show i would have continued to model back home as usual so there would be no reason for that to change.

I went to bed still feeling slightly down about the whole thing but feeling a lot more optimistic about it all then I had initially and a little excited about the future prospects ahead of me.

MONDAY 25/05/09

We were taken for a long drive and it looked like we were out in the sticks. Christabel was telling me there were a lot of farms where we were so I had no clue what the challenge was going to be especially because we were told to bring our bikinis which confused us even more. We finally ended up at a frog farm where we met Chelsea who explained our challenge would involvefrogs, which she had with her in a container which were quite big and very jumpy. I had played with frogs before at home but only very small cute green frogs so i wasn’t expecting these large frogs that were jumping all over the place. The other girls were freaking out a lot more than I was but i was just feeling a little grossed out by it all.

We were taken down to the frog pen area and were told the challenge was to pick up 5 frogs and put them into a container. The girl who did it in the fastest time would win a prize and the loser would have a punishment to face. I was the 2^nd girl to do it after Evelyn who managed to pick up the 5 frogs with a little hesitation, I had given myself time to get over the gross factor and seeing Evelyn do it i knew it was something that I could do. I didn’t want to leave the competition with any regrets so i just went for it – my biggest worry was that i didn’t want to hurt them when i picked them up. My tactic was to quietly sneak up on the frogs very slowly and make no sudden movements which seemed to work out because i did it in half the time evelyn did it so i was happy with my efforts. After picking up the first frog I had completely gotten over the initial dread I was feeling and it became a lot easier, so the others were a breeze to pick up. The other girls gave it a go but Anna and Kat coudn’t do it, they couldn’t even touch them I jumped into the pen with Kat to help her out but she just just coudn’t bring herself to pick one up. If anything i’ve learnt a lot about myself from the show, I’ve learnt I’m a lot more determined than I thought i was and that once I put my mind to something however much I’m grossed out or scared by it I know I can do it. The end goal is what motivates me so I guess if i know that the ends will justify the means then I can and will do it.

Chelsea announced the winner and even though i knew i had won i was worried that the prize would be similar to the last one where i’d have to choose a few girls to enjoy the prize with me and be forced to exclude someone. Thankfully i won Redken products as the prize so i was really thrilled and the two losers Kat & Anna had to clean the house for us which wasn’t the worst thing in the world.

We then went to Wild Wild Wet a water theme park and were taken on a few water slides which was awesome fun and such a good change from the frog farm! The first ride was quite terrifying and I was lucky I hadn’t looked at it before being strapped in unlike the other girls who freaked themselves out by watching what they had in store for them. Kat froze up again and didn’t want to do it so anna went in her place but eventually the crew forced kat to go on the ride and told her to stop being a wuss. When it got to my turn I just closed my eyes and went for it, I screamed my lungs out but i have to admit I enjoyed the rush of it all – but given the chance it wouldn’t be something I would do again. Once was enough I think.

The rest of the day was just a fun filled relaxing day and we had a group of “fans” following us from ride to ride which was quite funny. We all got a bit of a tan and mucked around on the rides making the most of the freedom we had been given. It was actually quite a tiring day so we were all exhausted by the end of it so we all came home and crashed.

SUNDAY 24/05/09

We had a 6am start which was really very hard for some of the girls to deal with. I hate early mornings but unfortunately I’m used to them because of fulltime work so it wasn’t as difficult for me as much as I dislike it. I went into hair and makeup and the style was messy big hair and colourful feathery fake eyelashes. Our eyebrows were covered with makeup to look like we didn’t have any so the focal point was the massive and vibrant eyelashes.

I had an idea the shoot was going to involve heights but wasn’t sure if the worms challenge was a clue too, but desperately hoping it wasn’t. On the way to the shoot I was just thinking of what possible place the shoot could be at and hoping that it wouldn’t be something like hanging off the top of a building. When i arrived at the location which was like a junk yard with trucks and machinery I saw Christabel doing her shoot in an elevated cherry picker and felt relieved. I watched Christabel and she looked like a natural so I was going over the possible poses I could do with the cherry picker.

When it got to my turn I was pretty confident because i thought i’d shoot in the cherry picker but the tog and stylist asked me to step out of the caged off area and balance on the arm of the machine. Thats when i really started to get shaky and panicky but i really tried my best to keep it together. I think i did a few good poses but i was really disappointed that I didn’t push myself to the max, I was too overcome with fear to give it my all. I think i did reasonably well but know i could have done a whole lot better and regretted it straight after so i was just hoping that the judges would take into account past performance and potential in the decision making process.

I watched the rest of the girls with their shoots and they didn’t seem to have any problems or be affected by the heights and i started to worry about my chances of elimination. When we headed home for the judging panel we were all unsure of who would be going home and i don’t think there was anyone that we wanted to see go home either. Charmaine gave us all feedback on the shoot and everyone got some good and bad and Christabel was announced the winner.

Charmaine lay out all of our pictures on the coffee table and one by one turned the photos of the girls who were safe over and then it came down to the last two and it was Jenny and I. My heart sank and i was mentally preparing for my picture to be the one left but then charmaine turned mine over and it was jenny going home. I was feeling a mix of emotions, i was sad to see someone go home but also so relieved it wasn’t me. Jenny kept saying she knew it was her time but i don’t think any of us really ever know because we don’t know whats going on in the judges minds. Evelyn was devastated because she had become very close and somewhat dependant on Jenny so it really hit her hard. Since there are only 2 more eliminations till the finals its really becoming more real to me and i really need to bring my a game if i want to make it to the end. The competition is getting more demanding and i intend on stepping it up.

My final photo

SATURDAY 23/05/09

I had a major sleep and was woken up about 1.30 when Daniel brought us lunch. We all just lounged around the house and went for a dip in the pool before we got ready to see Angels & Demons at the cinema. Was such a good movie, a little less controversial and racy than The Da Vinci Code but I really enjoyed watching something with a bit of substance compared to what we’ve been watching at home. I’m a huge fan of mindless tv but i need to mix it up a bit with a bit of some intellectually stimulating entertainment.

Sometimes being in here with a house full of girls younger than me can be a bit tedious and every now and then I can definitely feel the age difference. I think there’s just some things that a 17 year old can be amused by and get excited about but as much as I try i just can’t. It’s actually a lot better than I was expecting and considering the age gap I get along with these girls and we can really chat and have a lot of fun for the most part. Its quite refreshing being around girls from different backgrounds, cultures and ages and i think we’ve all learnt a lot from each other.

We wandered around the shopping centre for an hour or so and then went to a Mexican place for dinner which was such a refreshing change from the usual food and finished off with ice cream from Cold Rock. We headed home for our phone calls and I tried my mum, dad and boyfriend who all didn’t pick up the first time so i felt a little down that i wouldn’t get to talk to anyone from home. Eventually after i tried again later i got through to dad and mum which i was happy about. Unlike the rest of the girls who had been speaking to their families and boyfriends on skype daily i have only been emailing, I figured the more often i spoke to people at home and the more dependant i became the more i would miss home. I’d been updating them by email so it was more of a quick call to say i was doing ok and it was actually good to just hear their voices. It really gave me a wakeup call as to why i was here and that i had the support of everyone back home.

FRIDAY 22/05/09

We were met at the house by Charmaine who was standing by a box covered in a black cloth. It had a very fear factor vibe about it so we were all joking around saying that there would be spiders or bugs inside that we’d have to put our face in or eat something disgusting. Charmaine said this mini challenge winner would get an advantage for the next challenge we had for us later in the day so we were all curious to see what it was and how we could win. The cloth was lifted and we saw the box was full of meal worms which were wriggling and moving so fast, there must have been thousands of them so everyone really freaked out, half the girls ran out of the room and we were all screaming our lungs off. We weren’t prepared for anything like that, as much as we were all joking about it and Charmaine told us that we would each have to stick our hands into the box of worms to get an envelope and whoever chose the envelope with supermodelme written on it would get an advantage in the next challenge for the day, so it was all a matter of luck really.

Unfortunately I had drawn number 1 in lots so I had to go first. I was extremely hesitant because the more I stared at the worms the more disgusting they seemed. I tried about 2 or 3 times to put my hands into the wriggling mass of worms but it was so hard to get over how many there were and how fast they were moving. I eventually decided the faster I get it over and done with the sooner I wouldn’t have to touch the worms ever again so i dove in and searched desperately for an envelope. I think it was kind of a good thing to have gone 1^st because I didn’t have to search for too long to find an envelope whereas the girls who went last had to search a little longer. The smell was quite intense and the longer we stood infront of the worms the stronger the smell was. Each envelope was covered in what I would assume to be worm poop so each envelope that was chosen was even more dirty than the last, another advantage of going 1^st! We all opened our envelopes and anna had the supermodelme envelope so she had the advantage for the next challenge.

We went to Forest Adventures, I had no idea what they did there I was assuming it had something to do with a forest hike or something along those lines until we walked closer to the office where we saw what i thought was a treetop walk. The challenge was explained to us as a course somewhat in the treetops where we would have to make sure we were harnessed in ourselves and go through a variety of climbing. I’m petrified of heights so when I saw how high we would be i was quite panicky but was trying my best to stay calm because I told myself that i wouldn’t let my fears hold me back from doing anything to get me further in the competition. The course completion was going to be timed and the fastest girl won the challenge.

We went through a safety training class and we had to unlock and lock our harnesses at each leg of the course. It was a bit distressing that we were in charge of our own safety up there and that anything we did wrong could be very dangerous so that was an added worry to the whole thing. We were assured that we would be protected as long as we made sure we followed the procedures we were taught.

I was the first girl which again was probably for the best because I think if i saw any of the other girls reactions I may not have been able to do it. I’m the type of person where when i see a movie with a scene involving heights like someone looking down from a tall building or crossing a bridge my feet go tingly and i feel like my legs are jelly. I was not fussed about getting the fastest time at all, that was the least of my concern, my main aim was just to complete the whole thing. Climbing the ladder i kept telling myself that it was going to be fine and that it was not that high but when i reached the first platform and looked down it really hit me how high i actually was. The worst part of it all was that i had to jump off the platform hanging onto only a rope (i obviously knew that i was hooked into a harness that i’d double checked was ok) but the actual thought of me having to jump off was so hard to get over. I attempted to do it a few times before the girls started to encourage me and I got to the point where i had to think its now or never so i just did it. Once the first part of the course was over the rest was definitely just as scary but the only way to get down was to finish it all so i struggled through. The last leg of the course was a flying fox which was sooo much fun and was the best way to finish. It really was such a rush to have completed the course, the adrenalin was running high throughout but i didn’t really appreciate the whole experience until it was done. I know that my mum would be so proud that I actually did it because they she knows how scared of heights I am. It’s something I never would have done if it weren’t for the competition so i’m glad i had the opportunity and can say that I have completed the course with a lot of satisfaction. I still have my fear of heights and i don’t think thats something that will ever go away but at least i know it won’t hold me back.

The other girls seem to do it with no hesitation at all except for Kathlene who ended up in tears and because she didn’t want to do it the instructor had to climb up and help her down. We all tried to encourage her as much as we could but i think she was just up there for too long and had psyched herself out. I totally understand how she was feeling because i felt the same way but i think if she didn’t think it through so much she could have done it.

Anna completed it the fastest and she won a 30second advantage from the previous worm challenge which she didn’t end up needing. Her prize was Puma gear and to go out for dinner at Mimmolette and clubbing after, but there was a catch she could choose only 4 of the 5 remaining girls to come with her so it didn’t really end up being a prize after all. It really would have been an awful situation to be in and I don’t know if i could have done it but she ended up choosing to leave Jenny behind. Poor jenny had to clean the house while we were away so it really was harsh. I think because Ciara wasn’t in the house anymore there was no more drama so this was an attempt at creating some tension in the house but we all knew it would have been a difficult decision so there was no hard feelings.

The five of us went to Mimmolette and had dinner and dessert. Its amazing being at a place where there are so many goodlooking people – every 2^nd person is a model so its a great place to just watch people as creepy as that sounds but its like a fashion show all night. We all had a few drinks and anna, evelyn and i danced for ages on the dance floor. The music was good and everyone was so ecstatic to be out so we were all in great moods which made the night even better.

After Mimmolette we headed to attica, on the van ride there most of the girls were quite tipsy and anna fell asleep so i took funny photos with her. There was a lot of drunk conversation and it was funny to see the girls drunk for the first time. When we got to attica we got the vip treatment and had a roped off area to hang out in. Evelyn, anna and i danced nonstop and it was so good to let loose, enjoy ourselves and release some of the built up energy we all had. We ended the night at around 2.00 but none of us wanted to go home because we were having way too much fun.

THURSDAY 21/05/09

6.30 start for the day and were taken to Milk Productions where Charmaine introduced us to Olivier Henry who would be our photographer. He explained the concept for the shoot to us and told us we would be wearing little to no makeup – no foundation and very little eye makeup with Vaseline to highlight the cheekbones etc, basically it would be a very raw shoot. I was a little horrified of the prospect of being judged on a shoot where I wouldn’t be wearing makeup but Olivier showed us some examples of some shots in the same sort of style and they looked great. He also told us it was going to be a very tight headshot and that based on the acting lessons we’d had the day before we had to use our facial expressions to portray an emotion. Of course the eyes were going to be the focus of the shoot and he explained that all the emotion would have to come out through the eyes.

We drew lots and I was the 2^nd last girl, Olivier said that we would each have 10mins max for the shoot and that if we couldn’t get a shot in that time that we would be wasting his time and ours. It was quite a scary experience and we were told Olivier was a very interesting photographer to work with and was known for making models breakdown.

Evelyn and Jenny came out crying from their shoots and I didn’t understand why and how it had happened. When it came to my turn I started off with an angry expression trying to evoke some sort of emotion, then moved to smiling/happy faces and for some reason I’m not sure why, whether it was the intensity of the shoot or the feedback I was getting or whether it was just a way for me to release my emotion from the shoot I just started to cry too. It was the strangest feeling because I had no idea why I was crying, what I was crying about and what had triggered it so I came out from the shoot feeling quite perplexed. It was just an extremely powerful shoot and was like nothing I’d ever experienced before. I wasn’t sure how I had performed but i definitely knew that i hadn’t faked an emotion and that i was as real as i possibly could be so hopefully that was a positive.

After we had all done our shoots we left the studio and headed home to watch a bit if TV and take our mind off the pending eliminations. The wait just seemed like forever and the tension in the air was extreme. When the judges finally came to their decision they announced Kat as the challenge winner and gave each of us individual criticisms and things to work on. They didn’t tell us who were in the bottom 3 for the week so we were taken outside to await the decision. Finally it was revealed that Ciara was the girl being eliminated and unlike the rest of the eliminations no one cried and it was really quite awkward to say the least. Everyone just stood there uncomfortably, Kat even laughed a little but eventually we all tried our best to comfort Ciara as weird as it was. It was a lot easier because Ciara didn’t seem that upset, I can just imagine how awful it would have been if she was bawling and we were all just standing around clumsily.

Everyone came inside except for Ciara who did her interviews and shot the last scenes and we all talked about the awkwardness of it all. For me it was a surprise that Ciara was eliminated, I can’t say I was extremely upset as was the case for the other eliminations but it was sad to see someone go. We all felt a bit guilty and we all decided that tonight we should sit down with her and just let her know the reasons why we didn’t get along with her and why she had become an outsider so when the show aired she wasn’t shocked to find out that we all had said things about her in confessions and to each other.

The guilt was really setting in for me, as much as I meant everything I said or thought about ciara i knew it would come across really badly and i didn’t want her to think that I hated her or something it was more of a case that i couldn’t be around her 24/7 because it was so draining and such an effort. I’m the type of person who generally doesn’t confront people as i’d rather keep my feeling to myself but it really needed to be done for both ciara’s sake and the sake of all the other girls. We all had our confessions and then setup for the sit down chat with ciara.

It was quite a bizarre conversation and it was almost like an intervention but it had to be done. I started things off and i think once the ball was rolling it became easier for everyone to vent their frustrations and say exactly what they were thinking. Christabel, Kat & I were very honest and didn’t sugar coat what we had to say because, for me anyway I just wanted to be upfront and say what was on my mind. Evelyn and Jenny were a little more mild and I’m not sure if it was because they felt bad or just didn’t want to come across as the bad guys but they really did chicken out (which we had all discussed we wouldn’t do earlier) which was a little frustrating but at the end of the day as long as I said exactly what I wanted to say I was happy. Ciara seemed to take everything pretty well, she cried a little but she seemed to have an excuse for everything we told her. After the group discussion I chatted to her for another hour or so and I really felt it was a genuine conversation but after i was done the other girls were saying they felt it was all a load of bullshit and that she was being her usual plastic & fake self. It might be because I’m slightly naive or try my best to see the good in people but I believed most, if not all of what Ciara said but i definitely could be wrong because I’ve been told I can be too gullible before, so who knows. Either way I felt better after the discussion whether or not it achieved anything.

My final photo

WEDNESDAY 20/05/09

We headed to Red Dot museum for the days non elimination challenge. Rena dressed us in Pull & Bear outfits and we met with Irene Ang a comedian, actress and host who would be taking us through our challenge for the day.
Irene asked us each to choose an animal that we thought represented our personalities. I chose a cat because I see myself as an observer who keeps to herself and fairly mild but friendly. Irene asked us to act out the animal we had chosen and then for us all to interact with each other. I think we all may have chosen different animals if we knew we’d have to act them out.
The next exercise was for us each to choose a prop from a suitcase and I chose a pair of handcuffs. Irene told us that we had to each sell the item we had chosen and demonstrate the uses of the item and the more creative the better. Along with that we had to present it in a certain style (we had to choose from a bunch of cards) and I chose Bollywood. I put on an Indian accent, possibly the worst Indian accent ever but nevertheless i explained the wonderful uses of the handcuffs and came up with some crazy concepts and made the girls giggle a bit.
Irene announced anna as the winner of the challenge and she won a water bottle…brilliant i know. Then we were split into groups and given characters and a scene from a movie to act out. I was grouped with Anna and we had a scene from The Devil Wears Prada where anna was the angry intimidating boss and i was the scared and nervous assistant. Anna was brilliant at the role and even thought i don’t think of myself as an actress i thought i did ok too. I was actually proud of my effort because I let loose and really tried to feel the character to make the role more believable. It was unlike me to let go but i think this competition has brought out a new side of me and has to some degree made me less of a control freak.
Irene told us the winning group would win a shopping spree at River Island which every single girl was dying to have. The winners were announced as Christabel, Kat and Jenny’s group and the overall best actress was Anna so she got the same prize. I was incredibly jealous because who wouldn’t want that prize?? After we were done the girls got their shopping bonanza at Vivo City. It was depressing watching them all run around choosing what they were getting but I helped anna choose out a few things to keep me occupied. I ended up buying myself a bag and skirt so my inner shopaholic was satisfied and i didn’t feel so envious of the girls even though the stuff they got was amazing.
We came home for dinner and confessions and all of us except for Ciara went for a jog around the block for a bit of exercise and a chance to chat outside of the house. Ciara has started to really exclude herself from group activities, we asked her to join us but she said she didn’t feel like it which is fair enough but to be honest there’s only so much any of us will try to include her in things, the rest is up to her. We were all so sweaty and panting from the jog so we sat around the pool to cool our feet and Kat pushed me in the pool so we all ended up jumping in and mucking around taking crazy photos.

TUESDAY 19/05/09

We had a day off and were told we would be going to the gym at 10am but we all ended up sleeping in and decided to skip the gym. It felt so damn good being able to sleep and recover from the incredibly busy week we’d had. We all needed some time to think and unwind from the pressure of the competition. Yuen left in the morning so we all said our goodbyes and the house is starting to feel so empty since there’s only 7 girls left.

Daniel brought us lunch so we ate at home watched TV and headed out for some shopping at Far East Plaza. We didn’t stay for too long but i bought a few t hings and it felt good to have some retail therapy. We did our grocery shopping for the week, picked up dinner and headed home for a night in and to catch up on our blogs which we were all behind on.

MONDAY 18/05/09

We had a 5.30 call time this morning which was not easy, as usual our room was the last ones up and ready to go. Daniel drove us to the shoot location, we were given a clue the day before that we would be shooting “in something” so as we drove up to the studio we all saw a huge shipping container and immediately knew we would be shooting inside it. As we got out of our van we saw a van with a bunch of guys who looked like models come out of the van next to us so I guessed we would be shooting with them.

I was pretty amped for the shoot because I’d never done a shoot with other people before but I was a little worried because it was in bikinis and that is definitely not my forte in modeling. As we started the hair and makeup Invy, our photographer explained to us the theme for the shoot. Basically the idea for the shoot was that us girls were going to be acting as captives held hostage by these crazy guys dressed in blue jumpsuits who were attacking/raping us. We were meant to be acting terrified but also be sexy at the same time, we were pretty much portraying hostages who had developed Stockholm syndrome and had fallen for the captors while still being scared for our safety. Invy showed us some photos of examples of what he was looking for and they were quite disturbing and kinky and I wasn’t sure how great I would be at the challenge. The hair we got was very big and the makeup was extremely dramatic to fit in with the powerful setting and scene and of course we were wearing bikinis from Ripcurl and heels. The male models were dressed in blue jumpsuits and had scary makeup and wigs making them look like clowns/joker from batman. Each time a girl would go for their shoot they would be posing with 2 male models and in the background of the shot they would have 2 other girls and guys posing to set the scene. All the girls were happy to be working with male models because we have been so cooped up in the house and have had no human contact with any males other than the crew.

I was the fourth girl up so I got have a look at a little bit of Kat & Ciara’s shoot and they both seemed to go pretty well, Kat in particular. Christabel was the first girl up but I was getting my makeup finished so I didn’t get to see her but she hurt her neck really badly during the shoot and they took her to the doctor to get checked out so when she came back I found out what had happened and that the doctor had given her medication for her stiff neck.

It was good because I got to practice posing while working in the background and had a bit of time to figure out how I would approach the shoot when it was my time to be the spotlight girl. I really thought I would feel awkward posing in bikinis with half naked male models especially considering the subject matter but I really got into it. I was amazed at how relaxed I was with the shoot and posing with the guys because it really was quite a sexually charged shoot and I’m usually very shy but I guess it was a great way for me to let loose and do something completely out of my comfort zone. The male models were very professional, they made me feel very comfortable and weren’t sleazy which made it a lot easier to get into the compromising positions/poses without thinking i was doing anything inappropriate. I’m sure my boyfriend might be a bit jealous knowing i was surrounded by half naked male models but I’ve had talks with him about these sort of circumstances and at the end of the day its a profession and we all there to get a job done and there is no actual emotion involved, of course there is chemistry on set but its all artificial. It doesn’t hurt that the guys are hot, thats just a bonus! I was reasonably happy with my shoot but it was an impossible shoot to say whether you did well or not so i was feeling the usual uneasiness i feel whenever elimination is involved.

I watched a few of the other girls do their shoot and few of them struggled but a few of them seemed to excel in particular my favourites were Anna and Yuen. Ciara was discussing her shoot and asking if the guys helped me with poses when I did mine which they did and she complained that the guys didn’t help her and she whinged about Evelyn getting more frames than anyone else, it seems like wherever we go or whatever we do she has something to complain about and i’m just so over it. Once we were all done the judges deliberated and we were kept in suspense waiting for their decision, we had Charmaine, Elaine daley and a Jeanette from herworld as guest judges. Once they were done they announced Kat & I as the best performers and me as the overall challenge winner which i was so incredibly thankful to be safe from elimination but was very shocked as it was unexpected. The 3 girls in the bottom 3 were announced as Jenny, Anna & Yuen which made no sense to me at all from what i had seen from the shoots. When they finally revealed Yuen as the girl to be eliminated everyone was dumbfounded. It didn’t seem right because in my opinion Yuen was the best model in the competition by far and her shoot got little to no criticism from what I saw. Kathlene lost it crying, I think the main reason she was upset was that she thought Ciara deserved to go before Yuen and I can’t say many of the other girls would have thought any differently. Once or twice she almost blew her cool and went off at Ciara, which has been building up for some time, but Christabel was there to calm her down and kept telling her there was no point.

The decision for Yuen leaving was explained to us because the guest judges didn’t believe she has the right look for editorial. It felt like such a shitty reason because it basically meant the shoot had nothing to do with the decision and it was all based on her face and not on what she could do as a model. Its so unfair it was based on looks, it might sound stupid considering we are in a modelling competition after all but being judged solely on looks rather than the ability to model sucks. We were told we have to realize that the judges are people from the real world and are basing their decisions on whether or not they would book a model for a job and in this case the beauty director of herworld didn’t believe Yuen had a face she would ever book, despite the producers and the photographer not being happy with the decision so we all just had to come to terms with the decision. It was harsh to hear but unfortunately thats the industry we are working in. Its such a subjective opinion, someone else might see Yuen and say they would definitely book her for editorial so its really just luck of the draw and i was just lucky that the judges thought i had a face they would book.

The atmosphere was quite tense after the decision and I really couldn’t be happy about winning the challenge knowing Yuen was going home. I don’t think any challenge winner’s ever get to enjoy their glory because its always so sad to see anyone go. After dinner we all headed home tired, sore and bruised from the day and went straight to bed.

My winning photo