SATURDAY 16/05/09
We got up at 6.30 and headed to Geoff studio for hair and makeup where we saw a huge trampoline, so we knew we would be taking an action shot. I suspected we would be doing a shoot involving some sort of movement from the reverse bungy and dancing that we had done previously but wasn’t sure if it would be a running, jumping or falling shot.
We drew numbers at random and I got 2nd which I was nervous about because it didn’t give me a lot of time to think of poses but i managed to look through some magazines and write up a list of poses with diagrams to memorise and refer to. We met with Razel who would be styling us all for the shoot and Jeremiah Ang who would be our photographer for the day with Geoff Ang supervising. He explained that he wanted a very free flowing feel shoot with very elegant movements and soft poses that look effortless. The makeup was amazing and for the first time I finally got to have fake eyelashes which I loved. Ziv, the makeup artist made the eyes incredible and we were told that the eyes were a strong focus of the shoot and to make them as intense as possible, as with any shoot I guess.
When it came to my turn I was pretty nervous but was trying to stay positive and think of all the poses I had thought of while getting my hair & makeup. I was wearing a dress that was a little short so I was a bit worried about flashing my undies and I was given a few pieces of fabric to help things flow so I had to think of ways to incorporate that into the poses I had in mind.
It was a really tough shoot and even though I had so many poses in mind it wasn’t as easy as I thought and I don’t think I ended up doing any of the poses I’d planned to. In each frame I’d either get the pose perfect but the face not quite right or the face perfect and the pose not quite right. I also couldn’t get my jumps high enough, it was a lot more tiring than I had anticipated and it was hard to make the movements look natural and effortless. The feedback I was getting was to avoid looking so rigid and to slow down and not try to pose for every jump I took. By the end of it I was panting and out of energy and wasn’t sure I got any good shots out of it so I left the set in a pretty shitty mood and wasn’t really interested in talking to anyone. I watched a few of the other girls do their shoots and it seemed like everyone was struggling with it but from my pov some of the girls seemed to look like they were doing well from where I was standing but the feedback they were getting was mixed.
We had lunch and all the girls were talking about how hard we found the shoot. Emilia in particular was quite upset and looked like she was going to cry and left the room a few times but from what i saw of her shoot her poses seemed to really work so i was sure she would be fine. I was convinced that i would be in the bottom 3 for the elimination so i was just mentally preparing for it.
It was a long and tiring day and everyone was restless by the end of it so when it came to elimination we just wanted to get it over and done with. Charmaine announced the two best performers were Yeun & I and Yeun as the challenge winner. I was so happy for Yuen and was so unbelievably surprised that I’d even done remotely well because I didn’t feel happy with the shoot at all. I know most girls say the same after every shoot and it sounds very cliché but I honestly felt like I’d really fucked it up. So of course I was relieved to find out I was safe but then Charmaine announced the bottom 3 performers for the day as Emilia, Kat & Ciara.
They kept us in suspense and made us leave the room for them to setup the scene for finding out the person to get eliminated and Emilia was positive she was leaving but i kept reassuring her that she would be fine. She’d done so well in the previous challenges and i knew they saw potential in her so i was so sure she would be safe. When they made us come back into the room we had to crowd around the trampoline and turn over the picture that was face down to reveal the girl who was going home. It was so damn cruel and its the suspense of the whole thing that really makes it so awful. Ciara turned the photo over and it was Emelia and I (as I’m sure most of the girls were) was in complete shock! I was convinced that Ciara would (and should) be going home and I was completely pissed off that she had escaped elimination yet again despite her poor performance. I thought it was a bullshit decision because what the cameras/judges never see of Ciara is her constant whinging and complaining and excuses for bad performance because of either her makeup, hair or wardrobe – theres always some excuse for her and in my opinion thats not how a potential top model should be. To me Ciara isn’t even on Emelia’s level so it was really unfortunate that Emilia’s poor performance in one challenge sent her home. It made us all realise that if you don’t perform just once despite good past performance you run the risk of being eliminated so it really put the pressure on.
I know it wasn’t Ciara’s choice in who was staying and who was going but I couldn’t look her in the eye after the announcement. I think i really feel a lot of resentment towards her because 2 of my closest friends in the house have left and she’s still here. It may sound terrible and I feel bad to a certain extent for the way that all the girls treat Ciara but she is a really hard person to be around all day every day. Its not even something I Know how to explain in writing or give an example of to better describe how she drives people insane but if all 9 girls in the house feel the same way so obviously all 9 of us aren’t insane and its Ciara who is the problem. Its becoming more and more apparent her confidence is dwindling and I really feel for her because I feel the same way every now and then but being around her is emotionally draining and I don’t want to be around someone who brings me down and it really does come down to me being here for me.
Emelia going home was really the worst case scenario for me; she really was the closest person I had in the house after Helen. It might be hard for people on the outside to understand how a person can be upset and cry about someone we’ve only known for 2 weeks is leaving the house but i think in the house when we have limited access with family and friends emotions are amplified and living with the girls and seeing them 24/7 accelerates the process of getting to know each other.
When we got home and we said our goodbyes to Emelia I went to my room and the girls thought I went to sleep but I just cried. I hate people seeing me emotional and I’ve been told I’m a cold person but I just don’t like people seeing me at my most vulnerable. I resorted to my usual binge eating routine as an outlet, I know its not the most healthy way of dealing with emotions but thats just me. All the girls were bugging Daniel to go out but I had a dull headache from crying so I wasn’t really in the mood to go out so I had an early night.
My final photo
