TUESDAY 26/05/09
7am start today and i was surprised at how awake i felt considering the late night i had the night before. We were all expecting a shoot involving water so when we arrived at Geoff Studio i was a bit unsure but i assumed it had to be in a water tank or something similar, not that i saw one when we got there. The concept was explained to us as posing in a shallow tank of water with a squid. My first reaction was apprehension because I thought it would be a live squid and wasn’t sure how i would manage with it moving so i was happy to find out it was not alive.
I was the 3rd girl and when i jumped into the the tank it was initially quite cold. I felt comfortable with the shoot but because the camera was at an angle i was a bit conscious of giving myself a double chin. I’m not sure my range of poses was brilliant given the size of the tank but based on the direction of soft hand and a strong face i did the best i could. I thought I did ok but because it was a closed set we couldn’t see the other girls shoots and I never got a chance to see any of the photos, so really i had no idea where i stood compared to the others.
We waiting for the judges, who were Charmaine, Grace Lee and Marcus. We all got feedback on our shots and evelyn was announced as the winner and the bottom 3 were Kat, Christabel and I. My feedback was that i still needed to work on my jaw and that I was too safe in my poses and that even thought I had a very strong look I needed to learn how to use it. I knew once again I was too conscious of my braces being visible so tightening my jaw more than i should and I am definitely aware that I need to break loose and learn to become more versatile in my shots.
I was feeling the usual nerves but wasn’t prepared for when they announced me as the eliminated girl. I was devastated and broke down crying. I think the further I got in the competition the more I realised I wanted this so it really hurt me badly and it made it even worse that we were so close to the end. My first reaction was oh no back to accounting and i felt defeated, my thinking was that i am too old to take modelling so seriously and that this was my final shot at making it work. I think all my insecurities and everything i had in my head that was holding me back from doing modelling fulltime came flooding back to me in that split second and the emotions just kept coming. I was actually surprised to a certain extent at how much I was crying as much as I tried to hold it back I couldn’t. It was going to be sad to leave the girls but we all knew we would see each other again in August and because we were so close to the finish line it was more relief for the other girls to have made it through to the next round rather than sadness to see someone go.
We had our confessions and I was emotional throughout, I really felt awful and missed home more than ever. I just needed to speak to my boyfriend or parents to talk things through so I emailed them to let them know what had happened and how I was feeling. I was feeling so disappointed because I knew how much everyone back home was supporting me and promoting me. I knew they would be proud of me either way but I really wanted to make them happy by making the top 3 – not only for them of course but for myself. I ended up speaking to my boyfriend for 2 hours on skpye and he really lifted my spirits, telling me that this was not the end, it was only the beginning of the endless possibilities i had inform of me and that the exposure from the show would open so many doors for me so to look at it all in a positive light. The conversation completely changed my outlook and thinking and I began to see that I had lost nothing from the whole experience but had gained exposure, met great contacts and got some great shots to add to my folio. I’m not sure why i ever considered this to be the end of modelling for me because if i hadn’t been entered onto the show i would have continued to model back home as usual so there would be no reason for that to change.
I went to bed still feeling slightly down about the whole thing but feeling a lot more optimistic about it all then I had initially and a little excited about the future prospects ahead of me.
